I’ve been on this planet now for 39 revolutions around the sun (maybe more, depending on when you read this). A lot has happened over that period, but at the same time, sometimes it feels like nothing has happened at all and I’ve been treading water all this time. And now, I’m married with two kids, and I spend much of my time in a thankless job trying to sell technology in a highly competitive market. In other words, I’m an average person just trying to exist alongside a bunch of other average people. It can be tough at times.
Now, sitting alone in my office on the 27th floor of Melbourne’s Rialto South Tower, I’m coming to realise that I need to find myself again — and so I undertake this journey of self-discovery.
Fifteen years ago, single and living in Tokyo, I knew who I was, and what I wanted to do with myself. Sure, oftentimes that was “party” or “drink,” but life was uncomplicated and I was young. Five years later I was married and living back in Melbourne — I suddenly thrust myself into the adult world of work and responsibility. I’ve done well to get where I am today, but I lost a little of myself along the way.
Perhaps that’s not the right description as to how I feel right now. More accurately, I’d suggest that for the last 10 years or so, I’ve tried to pretend to be something I wasn’t, and it’s as a result of all this pretence that I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.
What was I pretending to be, exactly? Well, I’m not sure of that either. In fact, I think I’ve tried to be so many things over the years — some conflicting — that it defies explanation. So I guess what I’m trying to do here is rediscover myself by way of … well … trying to BE myself, and putting these thoughts to “virtual paper.”
It’s funny, you know — I’ve come here to try to get away from what I hate about Twitter and Facebook (which in my opinion have become more about people trying to make themselves look almost superhuman and/or hilarious) in order to selfishly impose my opinion on the world. It’s ironic, but it is what it is. I need to purge to heal my soul — or at least I think I do.
So what’s my angle? Well, I’d like to say I don’t have one, but I guess I just want to be honest – to myself, and any followers I may be lucky enough to get. I’ll write/say what I feel, and that will be pretty much that. But don’t expect review scores – my idea of 8/10 is very likely to differ from yours. In my opinion, the most important thing about a review is to find out what the reviewer liked or didn’t like. If you just want a score, you’re looking for validation.
When it comes to other pursuits? We’ll see. I’m planning a podcast in which I vent my thoughts on a semi-regular basis, but let’s face it – all plans are huge and exciting at first, and often fizzle out when the reality of life sets in. I’ll give it a shot, and I do hope to follow through, but I have a day job and a bunch of responsibilities already, so we’ll see how it fits in. Again, a work in progress. In the interests of transparency, I did try to set up a YouTube and Twitch account, but I just couldn’t see those through – both require time and effort (Twitch is easier, but… it’s not as easy as I expected).
If you have suggestions or what-not, feel free to send them my way using the contact form. I might even use them one day!